I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
