Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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