it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize