Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
