masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
