Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
