Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
