Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
