He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
