I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
