so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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