He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
