I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I wear drunk well.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize