Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
