Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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