I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize