She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
