I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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