Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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