spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
