I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
