the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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