I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize