I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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