Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
