I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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