DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
