I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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