Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize