I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Your penis caused this!
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