I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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