I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
