He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
