i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
