shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
