she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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