Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
