i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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