This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
