Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
