Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Randomize
