It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
