im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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