So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
