I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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