my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
