It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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