Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
