i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
