I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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