Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
