I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
