I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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