Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize