the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
