I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
