that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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