Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Why is there bacon in the couch?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
