Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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