Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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