Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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