Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
