I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
