I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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